do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
