I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
