??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
