I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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