90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
