8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
