come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
