my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry about my life...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
