Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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