he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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