Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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