I think im going to throw up on grandma
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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