my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
