I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
