Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
