were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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