I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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