She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
