I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
