my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
