I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
