so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
