Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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