I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
