The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
