I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
