I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
