cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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