how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
