y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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