i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
