I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
