can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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