guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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