I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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