I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
