K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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