he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
