Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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