I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
