If that was your dad, he is hot
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
