Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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