I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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