everyone is single if you try hard enough
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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