I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
