Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
