I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
