Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
