So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
