just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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