Im at strip club and am horny
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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