I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
