Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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