Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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