apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
