How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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