New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
try to milk me bitch
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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