He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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