there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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