Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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