she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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