That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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