I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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