I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
