in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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