"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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